He kissed a someone with a penis
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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