im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
