please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
