Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize