I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
