I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
