Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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