K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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