dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
