Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
50% drunk capacity currently
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
