I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
