Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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