first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
