Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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