We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
