I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
