eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize