Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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