I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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