Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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