My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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