Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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