I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
