your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize