I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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