I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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