Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
