dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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