kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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