All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize