Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
