According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
