omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
