Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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