EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
