Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
