i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
