thus making me awesome and them whores
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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