it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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