Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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