We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
