It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
