hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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