All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
