Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
