yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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