Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize