How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he shaved USA in his pubs
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
