Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
