Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
