I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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