That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
