Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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