I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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