My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
