Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
