Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You need a sexual gate keeper
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
