does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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