I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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