Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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