this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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