it was like fucking gandolphs beard
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize