I wish they made helmets for livers.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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