You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
