11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
