This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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