I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
