Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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